Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hard Night

My dear followers...

I am going to let my heart out here.

I am having a bad night and I don't know what to do.

I have Fibromyalgia, so I have some good days and

a lot of bad days.

The past week has been mostly bad days.

I take a handful of pills to help stave off the pain.

One pill in particular makes me feel like a human being,

but the downside is that it makes me so tired

I can't wake up in the morning.

That means I can't get up in the morning to take care

of my two year old.

He goes to my in-laws on the night before my husband

does to work, then comes home after my husband

gets off of his 24 hours shift at the fire department.

That is two nights with his grandparents,

and only one night with me.

Half the time he is home I don't really feel

well enough to play and it eats me up.

I hate it that I can't take care of my son.

To top it all off I started school online.
Thank God it is an online college so I can

"attend" when it is convenient.

I have been so incredibly depressed about this I

have done nothing but eat.

Want to know the disgusting truth?

I ate almost an entire box of Fruit Loops, like 8 bowls!

I just can't seem to get full.

It doesn't matter what I eat, I don't get full.

I can't stop eating and I hate it!

I don't know what to do.

I worked my ass off to lose 70 pounds and in the

past two weeks, I have gained 15 back.

I got off the scale the other day and just cried.

My whole life has just been a constant circle of

addiction and recovery.

That's another story.

But right now it is overeating.

I feel like such a failure.

I can't take care of myself let alone my son.

Without my husband, I think I would have myself


Has anyone else ever dealt with this?

Does the pain ever stop, and will

my hunger ever be satisfied.

Maybe me talking about it will make one of you feel better.

I know I can beat this,

I just don't know what there is to really beat.

I just can't stop eating.

I am so embarrassed when my husband comes home

and see all the dirty dishes and all the food that is gone.

I need a break from life.

If only for just a minute.

I pray you all have a safe and healthy life.

If you don't, I am here if you need to talk

because I could really use a friend right now.

Thank you all for being my followers.

Signing in everyday and knowing I have more friends,

it makes my whole day bright.

Goodnight my loves, and hopefully tomorrow's post

will be a little more upbeat.

Don't forget to check out the MiniMonos giveaway!

Love to all of you!



  1. I wanted to cry for you when I read this. I hope you feel better. I know that I really am pretty healthy and, although my family has a history of different genetic disorders, I've managed not to have any of the health conditions my family has. My sister has a rare bone cancer that causes extra bone to grow in areas its not supposed to. Almost exactly a year ago, this meant she had to have one of her legs and half of her pelvis amputated. This caused her to have to take an indefinite break from med school and that it would be virtually impossible (without a surrogate mother) to have kids of her own. I know its not the same, but I know the pain that having a medical condition you have no control over can have when it is taking over your life.
    I'm sending up prayers for you.

  2. I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible. I do not have fibromyalgia but I know what it is like to not be able to control how you feel.

    I will be praying for you during this time and wish all the best.

    Thank you for visiting my blog and I'll be reading to check on you.

    Have a better day.


  3. Thank you ladies. I am still pretty miserable today, but I guess I am kind of used to it by now!!
    Have a good day, to both of you!

  4. OMG, I hope you feel better tomorrow. I have done this, hid in the kitchen though to hide how much I was eating. You can get through this. It sounds like you have supportive people around you and therefore I am sure they can help you through this.
    Thank you for swinging by 2 Against 1 , if you haven't yet, be sure to stop by and link up to the TGIF blog hop (Friday).

  5. Aww, I'm sorry you had a rough night. I hope you're feeling better. Especially right now I feel like I've been overeating, and I don't have the motivation to stop. Aren't therapists supposed to help? Heh. Well, I guess they would if they actually would TRY to remember their clients' names. Heh.

  6. I'm sorry that you have so much to deal with. It sounds like you have people that love you and want to help you, so I hope that you'll forgive yourself for needing that help. I'll keep you in my thoughts. I hope that things feel better for you soon.

    A Helicopter Mom

  7. Haha to Shanimals! I read your post and I am so sorry.I just can't trust someone long enough to stay for more than a week or two. I feel like they are more judgmental than they are supposed to be!
    My husband is very loving but doesn't know how to deal with my issues. His family is very quiet and they never express how they feel. So its difficult to even ask what he is thinking!
    Things will work out when they are supposed to! I guess :(
    Thank you all for your support! I love it!


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