Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Why I Can't Sleep!

This is crazy, I must be losing my mind.

It is 4:30 in the morning and my little man is asleep, oh so peacefully in his crib. I mean this is the best he has slept in a long time! For one thing, he doesn't feel too good. I kept him from a late nap, so that helped, so I SHOULD BE SLEEPING!

I have another little boy keeping me awake!
I might lose some of you because of this, so I'm sorry.
I believe in other worldly beings. Right now I am praying it is an Angel.
As I am typing it just did something again...
On to my story...
And trust me, it ain't no freakin' toy story...
It started a week ago I realized. I was dreaming and I heard Blayze, I thought, whisper, "Mom!"  Then I woke and he really started crying. Hmmm I thought... Weird, what a coincidence...

Then, Sunday night the 27th I was home alone because my Hubby had to do an extra job and he took the baby to stay with his parents for the night, to give me a break.
Storms were rolling in and I get migraines.
That night I did my usual stuff and it did take me forever to go to sleep. It was raining and I had little leaks everywhere! So annoying on top of my head hurting.
So I finally get to sleep...
You know when little kids come in your room and just stare at you because they want something, but they feel bad because they don't want to wake you up?
I got that feeling...
I opened my eyes.
I thought it was Blayze! In 1 second my mind raced wondering how in the world did he safely get out of his crib, come in my room and stand face to face with me?
Then I remembered...
I was alone...
And just like that he was gone.
Oh how my chest throbbed in pain with the fear and anxiety of what had just happened.
He was 3 maybe 4? Blonde.
I don't know who he was.
He was adorable.
I wrote it off as just a dream and went back to sleep.

June 28th...

Tommy was home with me this time I would be safe. He could protect me. I could take something to knock me out I wouldn't ever know if anything was there. Right?
Went to sleep at Midnight.
It took me forever to fall asleep, even with the "knock out" medicine.
I went to bed with wet hair, but that shouldn't have mattered... I keep my little a/c on 73.
I tossed and turned, I was so hot. I couldn't get comfortable. It was just so hot in my room. But, when I touched Tommy's chest, it was ice cold...

It was 4:38am
Wow close to now...
Just scared myself again.
Funny how your heart can beat so fast, it can actually make you wake up...
I guess I fell asleep at some point, because I woke up so frightened...
Something shook the bed.
Tommy was awake too.
He said he had just itched his arm. He couldn't have itched it that hard. The bed moved. Then I looked up, over him and made him look to. But, he told me nothing was there.
Once again, there he was.
The little boy.
Only, this time, he climbed over Tommy and got in between us. When I realized what happened, poof! Just like that, gone.

June 29-30

Today, Tommy had to work.
Well he is a firefighter, so he has to work a 24hr shift.
That leaves me alone with the baby.
I didn't think about it all day.
Until, I had to go to bed.
I talked to Tommy, said my good nights and I love yous.
I wasn't tired and ended up staying up until 1:30.
This is the nutso one.
This is the one I lost Tommy on.

I know I was having a bad dream. Every time I closed my eyes before I went to sleep, all I could see was bad stuff. But, this wasn't a dream.

Anyways, I woke up because I heard someone pounding on my front door. 
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't sit up.
 My right arm was completely numb. My right hand was stuck to my chest. My legs were stuck to the bed, my head was stuck. Everything was stuck to my bed and I couldn't breathe. It took everything I had to swing my right arm into a punch to knock out of it and sit up. And as soon as I started to sit up, I heard someone say, "Mom!". Oh, so quietly, just like before.
 I grabbed the phone and called Tommy. I didn't care that it was 3 in the morning. My chest hurt so bad with the pain of my heart racing.

I walked through the house turning my lights on.
Then had to let Tommy get sleep. I only talked to him for 5 minutes.
He hasn't ever seen anything to make him believe so he doesn't understand.
I still love him. :)
I need to figure out how to make this stop. I can't just get one hour of sleep every night. I know I am already going to have a migraine! I only have 3 1/2 hours until Tommy gets home.
I am in the living room.
On my laptop.
Watching Morning Express with Robin Meade. She is so cute!
See gotta get my mind off of it... I gotta pee! And the bathroom is back there by my bedroom!
Hell, I am even scared to go into my son's room! I had to put a freakin nightlight in there for me!
Maybe that helped him sleep better?
Who knows.
I am going to call the Ministerial Alliance today, and see who of the pastor's or priest's thinks I am least nuts...

I will tell you some more story of my past experiences later. But this is the biggest one.
In years!
Am I nuts?
I am sorry I know this is long.
It just seems the "experiences" are getting worse night by night...

I even told him, that I would play with him, just no more scaring me!
I guess that tactic didn't work...
So can someone please help me, before I lose my mind and just move out...
If I didn't use correct grammar, or if I misspelled something, please forgive me. There is no way I am proof reading this...
I am so happy the sun is coming up...
Maybe I can get at least a few hours of sleep before my hubby gets home.


  1. Creepy! I visited my dad in his new house last week and I slept down stairs. The first night I had a dream about a spirit of a young child standing in the hall way.

    I am going to say it was a dream and not think other wise because that would seriously terrify me!

    Good luck with your sleep!

  2. Thanks Zoe! It hasn't happened since, so I am just hoping maybe he decided he liked me too much to be scaring me!!!
    How is the little bun in your oven doing?
    I love reading your blog!


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